I don’t believe we can do everything. Actually, I don't believe we can do anything either. I have my limitations and I believe we all do. There’s things I will never be able to do well, if at all, no matter how much or how hard I try. But we all have strengths and we can all do some things well. If we try and get everything right all the time, or we spread ourselves too thin, we burn out and we end up not doing anything well.
We all need help from other people to bridge the gaps. If we don’t have that help - and sometimes it’s just not there - we need to adjust our expectations to match and we need to be gracious to ourselves.
For example, I rarely shout or raise my voice. I have two children, a partner and a house with plenty of space, and I work part time hours that suit me. If I had more children, if I was parenting alone, worked full time, or lived in a smaller house and couldn’t easily step away, I would shout. I’m confident about this, and I would accept that. Expecting myself not to shout would be unrealistic. And my children would be okay if I briefly explained my response, took responsibility, reconnected, and repaired.
The point for me here is - just focus on one thing at a time. If there are issues with attitude, skill, behaviour - our children’s or ours - or problems in family relationships, then pick one thing to think about - not everything.
Be realistic about how life is and be compassionate where there’s gaps in what you can offer right now. Trust that your child or children will adapt to the life they have. Remember that children can grow through our shortcomings. They need a life that isn’t perfectly attuned or they’ll never develop resilience. It’s all in the connection.
And think about what you need. I need quiet. I need space. I need gentle movement and sensory input. I need nature. I need gentle connection where I don’t need to talk a lot. I do much better when these things are built into my day.
This meme was found in a Facebook group called ‘Brains and Spoons’ and if you haven’t heard of spoon theory it’s worth a google.
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