We’ve got a reactive cavapoo who barks a lot when anybody walks past the house, especially if they’ve got a dog. Initially there was no harm done - the Shih Tzu joined in and it got loud and a bit chaotic but no big deal - so we didn’t worry about it too much. That’s the kind of dog owners we are!
Everything changed when we got another puppy. When the Cavapoo barked a lot, the Shih Tzu went for the puppy and started to attack her. So then we had a problem that we needed to do something about - if the puppy wasn’t going to spend her life hiding under the sofa!
After watching a few training videos, we decided that when the Cavapoo starts to bark we’ll say “Thank you” in a clear firm voice, just once from where we are, then if she carries on we’ll get up and take a good look out of the window, say “Thank you, I’ve got it” and give her a pat on the head. If she continues to bark, then we’ll pick her up and move her into another room for about a minute - taking her away from the trigger.
No anger or harsh words. She’s a dog and dogs guard their home and family. It’s what she’s wired to do. We want her to know that while we appreciate her efforts, it’s okay, we’ve got that it covered.
We’ve been doing this for about three weeks. She often still barks after the first thank you, about 75% of the time, but a bit less . She rarely barks after we get up and have a look out of the window and thank her again, maybe 20% of the time - usually earlier in the day when she’s forgotten how it all works now. Most importantly, the puppy isn’t getting attacked.
There's so much overlap with NVR principles.
Where's the harm? And do we need to act?
Deciding our own boundary - which is about our actions/reactions and requires no behaviour change in the other person (or in this case dog)
Acknowledging the limits of development/wiring
Understanding/validation of motive - presuming good intentions
Solution-focus - we're on the same team
It reminded me of this video where Dr Becky (Becky Kennedy) explains the difference between requests, threats and boundaries.
With a lot of our children we might need to use less words, but boundaries are about telling our children what we’re going to do - rather than telling them what we want or expect them to do. Our boundaries expect nothing of our children. We’re more likely to wind up feeling empowered when we set boundaries than when we make requests.
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