In an NVR group for kinship/connected carers we talked about the importance of venting. Sometimes we don’t want advice - we just want to offload and be heard. It's tricky when we offload and we people start telling us what we should do or where we're going wrong.
Sometimes we feel upset because we don’t get the response we wanted or needed. But we don’t always take the time to let people know specifically what helps us and what really doesn’t help us when we share our feelings. We forget (or don't realise) that most people - with the best of intentions - try to help others in ways that would help them. It comes from a place of warmth and compassion.
Clear communication can be a game changer:
“I don’t need advice just now - do you think you could just listen?”
“I would be so grateful if you just listen for five minutes without telling me what I should do?”
“Will you have some time at some point for me to offload - I don’t need you to help me fix it - I just need you to listen.”
As Brene Brown says - "Clear is kind!"