NVR as a parenting approach was developed in the 1990s to help parents take a firm stance around harmful behaviours - like drugs, drinking, violence, crime, opting out of school and work, and opting out of responsibility within the family - while at the same time deepening and strengthening their emotional connection with their kids and supporting healthy development.
Things evolve. We know a lot more about the roots of behaviour than we did in the 1990s. We know that there are differently wired brains and we understand the role of positive and negative early experiences on brain development - and therefore on perception of the world, emotional regulation, and impulse control. We know more than ever that one size doesn’t fit all.
Over the years NVR has both influenced and been influenced by lots of other approaches and ideas.
This is the NVR map that we use in our groups and one to one sessions and here are some of the theories and interventions that have shaped the map and that we might draw on in our work:
Attachment theory
Mentalisation theory
Neurosequential model of therapeutics
Polyvagal theory
Window of tolerance
Low arousal approach
Emotion coaching
Maslow’s hierarchy of motivation
Narrative therapy
Cognitive behavioural therapy
Acceptance and commitment therapy
Compassion focused therapy
Theraplay
DDP and PACE
The drama triangle
Collaborative problem solving
Solution focused therapy
Motivational interviewing
Growth mindset
Cycle of change
Social learning theory
Restorative justice
Family systems theory
Ecological systems theory
Circle of adults
Good enough parenting
NVR parent training doesn't provide a menu of what to do in specific situations. It's about carefully applying the principles of NVR to specific child and family circumstances. There might be one parent or two, one child or three, small children, teenagers, or young adults. There might be a huge support network or none. Children might be impacted by attachment difficulties, neglect, abuse, or unresolved grief. Parents might be impacted by the same things. Children might be in school or maybe they're not attending right now. There might be a child or parent with autism, ADHD, PDA, or FASD, learning needs, physical health needs, or mental health needs. The family might have plenty of money. They might not. They might live in a huge house or might be overcrowded. The list goes on.
The goal of any NVR work is to reinforce and strengthen the role of the parent in the life of their child - to establish them as a source of nurture and safety in the child's mind. We usually get called in to help when there's risk or harm - things like violence, damage to property, control and manipulation, entitlement, self harm, episodes of going missing etc. It's the job of the NVR practitioner to work with parents to make sense of what's contributing to difficulties and to identify small changes that parents and others can make to address what needs to be addressed - always taking into account the unique needs and circumstances of the child and their family.
NVR isn’t the only great approach out there - but it is a great approach - grounded in theory - and adaptable to a whole range of family circumstances.