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elainenichollsnvr
Nov 25, 20241 min read
Now you see me...
I saw this on Bluesky and was very moved. It's hard living with children who were hurt in the most awful ways and still respond from that...

elainenichollsnvr
Nov 24, 20242 min read
Tigers and teddy bears
I love Suzanne Zeedyk's analogy of tigers and teddy bears to explain attachment. Unique and highly personal neural pathways significantly...

elainenichollsnvr
Nov 21, 20242 min read
It’s not about what happened to us as children
One of my favourite quotes is from one of Dan Siegel’s earlier books - parenting from the inside out. He explains that it isn’t what...

elainenichollsnvr
Nov 17, 20242 min read
How to be angry
Let’s face it - expressions of anger in our children can be overwhelming. The shouting, stomping, crashing and banging. The “I hate you...


elainenichollsnvr
Oct 24, 20241 min read
Working with the system
Today started with a school meeting. Usually, families are referred to NVR to learn different ways to parent in very difficult...


elainenichollsnvr
Oct 19, 20243 min read
Family values - compliance to commitment
I have great respect for Brene Brown & love her perspective here. She’s all about family values - taking children on a loving journey...

elainenichollsnvr
Oct 18, 20242 min read
Emotion Coaching
Emotion coaching has come up a few times this week in work with parents. When the first emotion we see and feel from our children is...

elainenichollsnvr
Oct 3, 20241 min read
Life story conversations with kinship children
Yesterday I had the honour and the privilege of spending the day with a group of kinship carers - thinking together about the difficult...

elainenichollsnvr
Sep 30, 20242 min read
Accept your humanity
Some children need ‘Superparents’ - the premise of Amber Elliot’s book for therapeutic parents. But striving to be the perfect parent for...

elainenichollsnvr
Sep 21, 20242 min read
NVR parenting - warm and firm
Deciding where to set our expectations for our children can be tricky when there's trauma, disabilities, and other things going on like...

elainenichollsnvr
Sep 15, 20241 min read
Learning to feel safe
Learning to feel safe after a lifetime of being on guard is going to take time. In adoption, fostering, or kinship care - “a lifetime of...

elainenichollsnvr
Sep 13, 20241 min read
Everything that irritates
Carl Jung said everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves. It’s true. Sometimes things...

elainenichollsnvr
Sep 10, 20242 min read
Two things can be true
Those of us parenting children who’ve experienced relational trauma can sometimes struggle to decide how to respond to behaviours that...

elainenichollsnvr
Aug 25, 20242 min read
Self-fulfilling prophecy in NVR
I love this quote by Karyn Purvis - an expert in developmental trauma, attachment difficulties, and therapeutic approaches. She was one...

elainenichollsnvr
Aug 23, 20242 min read
NVR chat - follow up group for parents
Today I did something I've been meaning to do for a while. I set up a Facebook group for parents who've completed an NVR parent group...

elainenichollsnvr
Aug 21, 20242 min read
Things I manage not to say
Children’s brains are wired differently to adult brains. The bits of the brain that help us manage our emotions and impulses, reflect on...

elainenichollsnvr
Aug 19, 20242 min read
Say yes to the feelings
This right here is the key to therapeutic parenting - saying yes to the feelings (or ideas, or thoughts, or wishes, or drives) while also...

elainenichollsnvr
Aug 13, 20242 min read
Can I use consequences in NVR parenting?
Parents often ask if it's okay to use consequences in NVR parenting. Consequences are part of life. We can't avoid them. Consequences are...

elainenichollsnvr
Aug 8, 20242 min read
Coregulation
Therapeutic parents are encouraged to share their calm to coregulate their dysregulated child. They might be very distressed. They might...

elainenichollsnvr
Aug 7, 20242 min read
Children who need love the most...
Parenting is hard. Really hard. Therapeutic parenting is beyond hard. In all the therapeutic parenting advice (specific to...
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